What they never tell you…
So the day has arrived I am going to my final home. I have only just arrived and already my loved ones have to circle the parking lot for 30 minutes they can not park down the street as i dare not walk far on the icy side walks. Finally we get a spot and i make my way to the main enterance and have to walk through plumes of cigerette smoke , and around wheelchairs and walkers obstructing the sidewalk this must be the smoking area.
Once inside I stand patiently waiting for the elevator I am feeling overwhelmed and nervous . Ding the door opens and I hear a voice tell me i can’t enter it is inservice. Standing waiting for the next elevator to arrive I hear a code called over the speaker system and next see staff running. I ask on what is going on they tell me nothing and not to worry. I begin to feel frightend what is going on? No one will say anything. Eventually the elevator comes back and my family and I am on my way , the elevator opens on the next floor and other patients pile in . I smile and say ” morning!” but no one answers. We had arrived at my floor and the elevator doors open I desperately try and climb around the people in front of me for they refuse to move, and are muttering to themselves.
I approach the main desk and a polite nurse points me in the direction of my room. I walk down the corridor to see staff rushing around and patients participating in activities and rehab. I think to myself maybe this place is not so bad! Continuing down the hall i smell a quite unpleasant odour, and hear yelling coming from a room. A strange patient grabs onto my arm hands covered in feces.
Staff quickly come to assist, and guide us to my room, once I enter I find a stained pillow case and a thin ripped blanket on your bed. I begin to cry. Family and managment try and comfort me they say this is an isolated incident and that the unit is usually calm and pleasant. Things will be better once I get settled.
Boy were they wrong! Never did they tell me that you get up when they say. Never did they tell me you eat when they say or that they tell you what you can eat they can decide to mush up you food or thicken your drinks. Never did they tell me that they control how i get into my bed , how i go from my room to dinning room , i may shake at time but now i am forced to use a wheelchair.
They never told me i can only shower twice a week when they choose, or that I would share a room with a women on isolation and share that bathroom begin exposed to her virus. I most certainly was never told that patients roam around touching and taking peoples last possessions. They are all i have left!
I thought I was spending my final years with cute little elderly ladies like me we would laugh, joke, and bond like the golden girls , but instead I am intergrated with patients who i do not understand there disease process. In here everyone is thrown together young , old, Alzheimers, dementia, patients who have developmentally or psychological disorders.
I AM SCARED! I want my door shut ! But managment tells me my roomate falls and has an alarm they have to hear , and to ring my call bell staff will answer it , but they are so short staffed what if they don’ t make it on time! I AM SCARED! I isolate myself in my room afraid someone will take one of my precious momentos, or climb in my bed, or hurt me. I hold my bell tightly and have the staff place my phone beside me. I do not sleep at night in fear of what might happen , and a doctor decides to medicate me to help me sleep and stop what they call paranoia. I AM SCARED! I want to go home but my family work , they are raising there children , and managment has them convinced that it is all in my head I am over reacting and delusional. Years pass I am dying now soon the fear will be gone as I lay here and look back on my last years, on the reality of the end of my life and cry!