To the Step-parent that hates their kids

The recent post about the step-parent that hated their kids received a lot of flack. Granted, the words were pretty harsh, but I wanted to share with people that stepparents do have it much harder than bio parents. They face many challenges that bio parents take for granted. The statistics around second marriages support this. I commend those who are able to make it work. I work in a public school here in Sudbury and see this to varying degrees. I can honestly say from what I have seen, the bio mothers cause more grief than any other party in the blended family. We see bio moms try to exclude the fathers and step-mothers all the time and every year, at least one kid “privately” makes a mother’s day card for their stepmother because the bio mom isn’t secure enough or having for the child to have another person in their lives love their kid. It is really sad. While I don’t agree that the parent should have said “hate”, I can see how they could feel like no matter what they do, they are always at the shitty end of the stick. I hope whoever you are, you get some help. I think you really care about your kids, because you have given a lot and it was obvious, at least to me. Shoutout to all the stepparents who are loving/caring for kids who aren’t biologically theirs! Shoutout to all the stepparents who are doing this, despite being pushed aside or made to be the “evil stepparent” and shoutout to the bio moms who love their kids enough to see the value in having other people love their kids and treat them so well!



27 Responses

  1. Corey Walker Corey Walker says:

    My step daughter means just as much to me as my other 2 bio kids…I’ve raised that girl since she was 3 and no, it’s not harder…there’s always a way to make it work for everyone! For the best sake of the child! If there’s extra stress it’s the adults that cause it not the kids!

  2. My grandchildren are very lucky to have such a loving dad. Thanks Karl Myllymaki for being there when they need you the most. Xoxo

  3. The rant the person went on was not about the ex in a step parent set up so I’m not connecting your views to theirs.

    I do agree with you though that it is sad when any parent doesn’t positively embrace the ex’s next significant other in the family dynamic.

    Personally I’ve still given my kids permission to call her mom, treat her with respect and make her things. Im not deciding their relationship they are.

    What I personally see is the hard part of being in a relationship with step kids, is the kids push boundaries and often parenting styles are not on the same page. Leaving the step parent as either the bad guy or very frustrated at the kids behavior. Even when parenting style are on the same page kids push boundaries it is exhausting at times. Adding in the visits to the other parents house with different rules and coming back with attitude. Got to love the preteen years.

  4. Carrie Rioux Carrie Rioux says:

    A child can nevet have too many ppl who love them.

    • Meeting my now 23 yr old step daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me my word! Was an angry lost 20 yr old punk that lived a life of consequence at the time,reckless and dangerous! My baby girl and now exwife gave me faith in myself,saved my life ,literally.Love her more each and everyday too and as much as my bio son.Will always look out for my exwife too for it and thankful to her as well!

  5. Only women hate their step kids as they are jealous…. well he had a family before you so suck it up

  6. Ally Rebekah Ally Rebekah says:

    So much THIS!!
    Whether it’s the dad/mom/step whatever pushing through for the sake of the children, kudos and huge props!!

  7. Carie Adams Carie Adams says:

    As a Mom I can say as long as my kids are loved and treated well I’ll never have an issue! There is never enough love for a child! I hope that if one day my children ever have a step mother that we can get along and work together!

  8. Matty Morris Matty Morris says:

    Wow the first post that i can actually read with out feeling like im a retard on jerry springer.. sometimes it hurts my iq reading the stupid shit ppl try and post.

  9. Much better way said.. and in the end, any parent should feel blessed if their kids are loved by the others in their lives. A child loved properly by both parents won’t ever think higher of their step parent, so instead of being jealous, be happy for them. And as a step parent, be the best you can be for them as well. No child can possibly be loved by too many people..

  10. Hey…some times the dad is the bat shit crazy one

  11. Krista Breen Krista Breen says:

    So so so well said 🙂

  12. Awesome post and very well said

  13. I think the whole reason it received a lot of flack is because of how harsh the words were. I don’t think most people were trying to say being a step-parent is easy. For most step-parents it is very difficult. There is a difference between it being difficult and saying you hate your step-kids. I think what most people including myself were trying to say is if someone actually does hate there step children it is better to just leave because the children should come first and a toxic environment is not good for them. There is nothing wrong with admitting that being a step-parent is harder then you thought it would be and you are not cut out for it. However if that is the situation you should do what is best for the children involved and leave.

    I would also like to say that this post is very kind and I couldn’t agree with it more. Many step-parents probably appreciate it.

  14. Cecilio West Cecilio West says:

    Loving this positivity 🙂

  15. Awesome post! I’m so thankful that I am accepted as a step mom by almost everyone around me, including bio mom. As much as feelings have been hurt, and lots of hate in the beginning, things do eventually get easier with time. Parents (step and bio) ALWAYS have to put the children first, and feelings about eachother aside, no matter what happened in the past.
    I have been lucky enough to be able to attend almost all events for my step son, even a mother’s day breakfast at school along side with bio mom. I know I didn’t bring this child into the world, but I’ll always love and care for him like my own.

  16. I think this is the first time I have been able to read a shoutout post all the way to the end. Content of the post aside, thank you for your proper grammar and spelling!!! Thank you for the good message as well!!

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