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The truth. Surviving years of severe abuse and neglect

I am a survivor and I will always have the personality of one. I will

Always be a bit more goofy and a bit more grateful and excited than the average bear. I’m at times a tad overly happy but you would be too if you grew up thinking your life was in the precipice of being wiped out by someone who was supposed to love and protect u, and then it wasn’t. You see, a child victim of sexual deviants is a bit different than a regular adult. A child lives their whole world around their perpetrator and the sun literally rises and sets with them. It’s usually someone in an abuse of power situation, and someone who we thought would care for us and have our safety and well being at the forefront. Only we find out they don’t and that is absolutely the most soul crushing thing I’ve ever gone through in the world. No one there protecting you and you’re standing there. All alone. About to be eaten alive and no one there to care about you.

I’m lucky to be alive. I was hit, screamed at, called every sick name in the book with swears. I was glared at told I was useless locked in my room and punished for looking at him the wrong way. Later, I could have died many times over with the disregard I had for my own life since that was what I was told to feel. I was told I was a piece of garbage on the bottom of his shoe, & that the satisfaction of others was my only priority. that my own health and safely came last when it came to making others feel good. I went through a phase later where I wanted to die but was too afraid to take my own life. CAn u imagine disregarding your own life wanting to throw yourself under a bus for any random stranger ? That’s what a child sex victims feel like. They are brainwashed by their repeat offender to believe that their own happiness is not important, and that the happiness of others is first and foremost.

So I’m sorry if in my adult years after much therapy and self introspection that I seem a bit happy or even silly and goofy. Iam literally walking on a cloud to find out after all these years of abuse and mind control that I do matter. That I do have a voice. And that my health well being and right to be happy is my first priority and responsibility. U can t even imagine how good it feels to not feel like I have to be someone else’s pin cushion. So maybe after writing this I can make even one bully out there understand that Most of the goofy people out there are simply just happy to be here. happy to have someone show us an ounce of love and kindness and that we are no ones punching bag and sex slave for years on end. We just want to feel accepted no matter how different you think we are. Please don’t be a loved one who isolates. Take care of the heart. Learn to be gentle and easy going. Not everyone had it easy and not everyone even felt safe to this day I still have flashbacks and nightmares. But I’m a survivor. Please Let me have that. Don’t take that from away from survivors of any kind they earned it.

Thank u for reading, God bless and well wishes to all. ❤️

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3 Responses

  1. Anonymous says:

    I`m glad that recovery has shown you that you matter. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxocooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  2. You are not alone says:

    Thank you for sharing. You are definitely not alone. I too went through some horrible stuff and have been diagnosed with cptsd. Finding a trauma informed therapist is not an easy task. It takes someone to know what emotional physical and sexual abuse is and what kind of tactics the abusers use to keep their victims intertwined. One minute they love you the next you’re useless and worthless. Many are coached into defending the abuser. Oh he or she is not so bad. Many people have it worse. I know he or she loves me. Fact is they don’t. They are using you controlling you like a puppet. I finally left mine and am working with a trauma therapist to fix myself. He cause mental damage as well as physical damage. The years of fear with the fight or flight response from my body made me physically sick. Yes emotional abuse can cause permanent damage to your body. This being said victims need help with the cost of getting a proper therapist. There used to be funding but now it’s been cut by Ford. Who’s gonna help us now????

  3. Anon. says:

    It happens, you are not alone…and keep happy, light and goofy!

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