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Shoutout to a great stepmom – a thank you and an apology

So, when you first came into my children’s lives, to say I was less than thrilled is an understatement. I didn’t care that you were with my ex-husband, but when my kids would come home and tell me all these wonderful things about you and how much fun they had with you, I hated it.

Then when we finally met in person, I hated you a little more. I was hoping you would be ugly and out of shape and didn’t have a good job and snobby and you were the opposite of those things. Everytime you showed up to a Christmas concert at school or baseball game or school play, I cringed. I felt that you were overstepping your boundaries by being there. Once you got married and were officially their stepmother I couldn’t say anything about you attending, but I know I made you uncomfortable, that I overstepped my boundaries and I made things difficult for you at times.

Fast forward to I start dating again. The first man I introduced the kids to was nice to them and always respected them (I wouldn’t introduce him if I wasn’t sure of that), but did he love them? No. I then went on to date a man who had children himself. He cared about my kids and I cared about his, but it wasn’t until this relationship that I realized how hard it is to love someone’s kids like you love your own, especially when the ex makes everything a challenge. As much as I wanted his kids to do well and was always kind to them, I didn’t love them. Similarly, he never loved mine. Cared? 100% but not truly loved. But you, you truly loved my kids. You rooted for them in everything they did. You helped with homework, you came to every school event, you took care of them when they were sick, made their birthdays and holidays special. And I now know that if something were to happen to me, my kids would have a mother that loved them dearly.

If anyone else had loved my kids this much, I would be singing their praises and it wasn’t until I realized how hard it is to love someone else’s kid, so, I am SORRY. I am sorry I was jealous of you and made your life less than fun at times I am sure. I am sorry that I was so quick to point out to teachers that I was the REAL mom. And I want to thank you for loving my kids so much. RB, thank you!

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41 Responses

  1. This is absolutely beautiful and so true .. loving someone elses kids like your own makes you vulnerable it is a huge risk because if things don’t work out you loose all of them… Been there it was one of the hardest things. I am happy to read this post because having kids of my own and once loving another man’s child almost destroyed my hope in finding love again. In my mind and heart it’s not worth the pain. Over coming this has been hard but I am there now. Thank you for this post. Every step mom and mom’s dream is to feel this…

  2. Kim Willis Kim Willis says:

    It is hard to accept someone else in your kids lives. You have endured pain, and frustration, and hurt, and anger, and you know it’s not their fault, but you can’t help it because you are filled with negative thoughts. I get it, wanting her to be ugly, or rude, or anything so you can hate her, but she ends up being amazing. And it’s not because you have something against them, you just have something against the family you wanted and lost. Those are my feelings. But I have seen and lived through manipulation because of a separation, and I vowed to myself that I would NEVER put my children through that. And by doing that, you are able to see that the other person isn’t trying to take your role, isn’t trying to hurt you, they just want you to know that they love your children. Children need a LOT of love, so there’s no need to be jealous, because you are still mom, and their dad is still dad. It’s amazing when someone is willing to open up their hearts for someone they didn’t create. I admire people who can love like that. OP, I am happy for you that you have amazing people in your life who loves your children and that you have no reason to fear when they are with her, you know they are in good hands 🙂

  3. Scott Lauber Scott Lauber says:

    Finally. A post worth posting to shout out!!!!

  4. Beautiful!!! Takes a big person to admit when they are wrong especially when it comes to situations such as this….. wishing your family much love!!

  5. Mandy Roy Mandy Roy says:

    Every step moms dream to hear something awesome like this. You should tell her in person. I promise you it would make a world of difference! Coming from a step mom of 3.

  6. Roger Blake Roger Blake says:

    Thank you for sharing. Peace

  7. Leslie Steel Leslie Steel says:

    Very hard 2 love another woman’s kids. Glad u matured and realized how lucky u were/are

  8. Ty Lockton Ty Lockton says:

    Please tell her this face to face, it would do you both a world of good.

  9. Anne Savard Anne Savard says:

    I say like others have said nice to say it here for other parents/step-parents to see, but please tell this person or show this to the person and let her know how you feel. I think she would really appreciate it

  10. Raising someone else kids is extremely difficult but can certainly be even more rewarding

  11. What a beautiful post …

  12. Nicole Pilon Nicole Pilon says:

    Wow made me tear up, this is beautiful.. But for sure tell her . I have 2 Step children and I love them both with all my heart I’ve been in their lives for 14 years and I wouldn’t change anything in this world..

  13. I hope many read this and realize how important it is to appreciate anyone who shows love towards their kids. This is how the kids win. Kudos for realizing, and admitting it. I’m sure you have told them in person, but am glad it was posted here as well for others to see and understand.

  14. You made my heart happy!!!!!!

  15. Not my pic btw it’s just off google

  16. Glad to see someone has the balls to admit things and say sorry!! So many people are cowards and cant handle dealing with shit. Good job on admitting shit

  17. This is fantastic. Some step parents don’t get the credit they deserve. ♥️ Im glad you were able to see it from both sides.

  18. Better late than never. But you should write this to her in a note. It might mean more than you think

  19. So heartfelt and endearing, I can’t even make a joke here! Kudos to your perspective change! And whether it will matter or not, tell them in person.

  20. Casara Godon Casara Godon says:

    It takes alot to admit when you are wrong and that shows how amazing you are! Your kids are so lucky

  21. Lucy Simcoe Lucy Simcoe says:

    OP.. this is really nice, but instead of writing this here, you should send her an email or even a hand written letter saying this exact same thing. I’m sure she would appreciate it bigtime. She may be reading it now not knowing it’s meant for her.

  22. Jean Seguin Jean Seguin says:

    Yup like a few people said, tell her in person she deserves it and I’m sure it would break the little bit of tension that there might be!

  23. Judy Gibson Judy Gibson says:

    What a wonderful post and tribute to this step mom and you. Good on you!!!!

  24. JC Wilson JC Wilson says:

    Takes a lot to say that

  25. I hope you will tell her this in person. ☺️

  26. And i am sure she is happy for you and this realization..new understanding you have been experiencing.
    Acceptance is the longest bridge to cross….always….glad you made it over to the other side…and kudos to you for recognizing that which you did and sharing here.

  27. Jodi Merrick Jodi Merrick says:

    This was so wonderful to read 🙂

  28. Lisa Ferris Lisa Ferris says:

    It takes a village to raise a child. I’m so happy for your kids to have two Moms who love them.

  29. It’s nice seeing positive stuff like this.

  30. Ray Paquette Ray Paquette says:

    Finally something positive and beautiful ❤

  31. Tell her to her face , I’m sure it would go alot further

  32. I love this. Hope she sees it..maybe giving her a copy would be a great gesture…

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