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Reconnecting after infidelity

This post is directed towards those who have dealt with infidelity and chose to stay with their significant other. Before people comment, talk to you partner, I have, at great lengths and nothing seems to change (counseling was also done).

It’s been almost a year since my significant other was caught wandering outside of our relationship. Over the course of rebuilding, intimacy or should I say the lack there of, is still a big problem. We both seem to struggle for different reasons and frankly I’m feeling quite defeated.

Looking for suggestions on what can be done to reconnect and hopefully strengthen our relationship.

Thanks!

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55 Responses

  1. It can also take years to get unhurt again time heals all wounds as long as the wounds are not reopened and the person is willing to be punished be sorry be around all the time always answer the phone and quite the insecurities it shows shame and love and willingness to do anything to save he relationship
    Depends on the man
    IS HE WORTH IT

  2. HONESTLY PERSONALLY SPEAKING YOU SHVE TO LET IT GO CHOOSE TO LOVE THE PERSON MORE CHOOSE TO ADMIT THEY’RE HUMAN AND NOT WHAT YOU THOUGHT AND AGREE TO BECOME BETTER VERSIONS OF YOURSELVES
    At some point you just have to say to yourself do I want to be with this person because if you do you have to let it go. The only way you’re going to actually really connect and be together is to never speak about it again to know that you’ve moved on to talk about why it happened get that out-of-the-way it only needs to be done once or twice and then literally never speak about it again literally let it go I’ve been with the same person since I was 18 and I’m 32 I clearly choose to stay with that person people make mistakes I don’t know what your situation is but we were very young when we got together mind youIf someone had sex with someone else I think that that’s unforgivable if you’ve started speaking to somebody else or just dated them or you know we’re going down the road of inappropriateness but never actually slept with them that I can be overcome it depends also on how close you were or are you in love have you been together for years is this a new relationship now did you live together did you share your lives together do you have children together you know your level of intimacy determines the level of the betrayal

    • Ultimately you have to choose
      LET IT GO OR DONT
      You have to choose
      You don’t have to stay the same you can be something more something better and together
      Growing and together is a beautiful thing
      ALSO WERE ADULTS
      shit happens
      Fool me once shame on you fool me twice
      But for me sex is too intimate if that happened I could never move on fully but would still want to stay but you have to forgive you don’t have to forget but you have to forgive

  3. I stayed for years and got nothing but repeats. They will only change if they truly want to. Good luck, hope it works out for u both, I wasnt so lucky.

  4. Think outside the box. Go on a date but, go somewhere you’d never go. Maybe go check out that place that’s opening up at the old Canadian Tire building in New Sudbury. Or, see if you can get into the planetarium at Laurentien, I believe that’s where it is. Or lazer tag. I have not a clue as to your lifestyle, just a few suggestions.

  5. Depending on alot. To each their own.

  6. I wouldn’t put up with that. I’d leave their ass, sorry.

  7. I get heartburn just reading the first couple lines…

  8. Effort an patience.
    If it’s meant to be. It’ll work it’s self out.

  9. Monogamy is not natural

  10. Once a partner has cheated there is no going back to the way things were. It is imperative that you leave this person, they will not respect someone who will take them back. Once someone has cheated, if you let them stay you are only reinforcing the behaviour. They will then understand that they can commit the act and get away with it, because they will assume you will just take them back again.If they do it once, they always will eventually try it again.It is the most painful process to go through, but you must have boundaries if you want to command respect.

  11. Kim Parker Kim Parker says:

    Once a cheater always a cheater when given the chance. Sometimes your self respect is the most important in the end.

  12. Cecilio West Cecilio West says:

    I think the lot of you are drama queens. Obviously this person does know what to do but chooses to be smothered with poor you.. hopefully you dont have kids with this person. It would be bad.

  13. Some intense teambuilding style thing that requires you both to support eachother throughout a process and to push each other’s limits.. like training for a half/full marathon (something challenging nonetheless).. or if that seems like too much work, try mdma.

  14. play outside yourself. Then open the relationship. You never get that trust feeling back. You will always have that feeling. I still remember when my ex first cheated on me. That night I found out. I can still recount it.

  15. The biggest predictor of future behavior is past behavior. You know what to do, you just haven’t worked up the courage to be on your own yet.

  16. Wesley Beers Wesley Beers says:

    Have some self worth!!! Holding hands is the same a fucking in my opinion….

  17. Dave Pilon Dave Pilon says:

    Cheating doesnt have to be just sexual

  18. I’m sorry but if someone cheats it’s over because if you love and respect the person your with you don’t even think about cheat let alone cheat . And if it happens then it’s a sign your not happy and it needed to end anyways on to bigger and better with someone that respects and loves you !

    • Jodie Branton in a long relationship there will be times your unhappy I e been married for 15 years trust me unhappiness is an occurrence but cheating doesn’t have to be the side effect
      Screaming works lol hahah jk

  19. Look here if you, yourself are not okay with you partner sleeping around then things are determined to crash and burn like the twin towers but if you can live with an open relationship then things might eventually settle but either way comes with a heavy toll the choice is yours – Yours truly a deviant

  20. Dave Pilon Dave Pilon says:

    There is no love after cheating, only bad thoughts

  21. You’re having trouble with intimacy because you were betrayed, hurt, and as much as you seem to not want to see it, the spark isn’t there anymore and it never will be again. It’ll never be the same. Staying will just let your significant other know that you’re ok with them fucking the neighbors, or, you’ll forgive them and take them back after. Just run while you can. Find someone who will put in the same effort you are willing to.

  22. ur resentment makes me wanna msg u my number………

  23. Once trust is broken, it’s very difficult to get it back. Being open and honest is great, but the trust is not there.
    Some couples can work it out, but some can’t. Good Luck to you both ❤️

  24. Once trust is gone often the way you feel about the person changes and you can’t get it back.
    You may forgive but good luck forgetting.

  25. Don’t do it they just become better at hiding it and lying.

    I let mine back after cheating. Huge mistake. He even feels that making out isn’t cheating and blamed the other women after lying to my face constantly about it.

  26. Sandy Grant Sandy Grant says:

    I tried to stay for 6 months, and for my own self worth descided to leave. Two years later, I am happy.

  27. Delmo Gotti Delmo Gotti says:

    Good luck it’s something that’s hard to overcome

  28. Linda says:

    More counseling, find a new therapist. New dialogue, new strategies, different questions, different vibe, different conversation, new assignments/homework, new beginning for better/different results. Individual counseling (for both). Couple therapy.

  29. Never took one back…waiting for one that only wanted me.

  30. Bob Léger Bob Léger says:

    Sometimes it’s better to cut your losses and leave well enough alone!

  31. Been there …we are bringing it back to the beginning and its working…but that’s for us

  32. Once a cheater always a cheater,

  33. all I can say is to both be open and honest about how you both feel. put everything on the table and go from there.

  34. I’m not married or anything but seems like you’re more willing to work on it than they are, seeing as they’ve went outside the relationship. Unfortunately some things just don’t work and just don’t get through everything. You should be happy too, maybe it’s time to stop running the same circle?
    Edit: not trying to be negative, i hope it works out for you !

  35. This post smells fishy!

  36. Matt Frawley Matt Frawley says:

    Whoever didn’t cheat should be able to sleep with one person. Make the playing field equal.

  37. Do you both still want to to be in the relationship? Because if one person doesn’t then nothing will work

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