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My children have a half brother that nobody knows about but me. What would you do?

Hello folks. Try your best to not pass judgment please. I’m asking because this is not a common situation. Here is the story;

I have children by a man who is (by personal choice) entirely absent from their lives. This same man has an older child in the same city who also was abandoned by him as a baby. Would you wait until your kids are older to approach the other child’s parents to let them know that he has siblings (would never approach child themselves as I have no idea if they know whether or not the dad is biological or not) but just to let the parents know? Would you let them know earlier? I realize this man’s past is not my business. But my children have a sibling and I think it’s important for them all to know someday. I just don’t know when or how to approach this unthinkable situation. I will also add that the other child is almost an adult.

Thank you if anyone has any kind advice to give. I would rather not hear about anything negative. It’s a serious matter and I’m wondering what others would do if it were them just for some perspective. I have know for a long time about this and I know who the child’s parents are. I’m sure they have no idea that my children exist. I do not want to disrupt their lives. I’m so torn. Has anyone been here before? Thank you and bless you for your time.

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44 Responses

  1. Sarah Marie Sarah Marie says:

    Feel free to pm me OP. I have insight to this situation. (Personal experience)

  2. Actually get in contact. See if the other mom agrees. I know quite a few who do play dates with each other.

  3. U should ask chelmsford spotted

  4. Having just gained a half brother in the last week, I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful it is to have him in my life, I’m sad that I never knew he existed for the last 57 years. I know that if my children had a half brother no one knew about I would contact his parents and discuss the situation with them and see how they felt about introducing them. Hopefully they would be in favour of getting them together, if not then I would wait til he was an adult and approach him directly. I honestly believe that they deserve to know each other. Good luck I hope they get the chance to know each other.

  5. As someone coming from a nearly similar situation, dont wait! Be up front and honest with your kids. And dont be afraid to reach out to the other family. You never know! ❤

  6. Depending on the childs age, id approach the other parent

  7. Approach the other parents first. If they re Wackjobs then back off and wait. But if they re reasonable then I think it would be best to work together on the proper procedure. You never know the emotional status of the sibling but his parents will

  8. I agree with speaking to the mom first – but if she doesn’t agree then wait till he’s 18 & approach him directly. He may want to know his half siblings regardless of what his current parents say. Ultimately it should be up
    To him. And I think u should tell ur children That they have an older 1/2 sibling so they’re aware of the situation ( if they’re old enuff to understand)

  9. Bio children grow up and search for bio family and sometimes it’s too late…children who grow up connected to bio family tend to thrive much better…imo…if the parents of the bio son agree go for it….that little boy needs his siblings as much as they need him…don’t let those children miss out on each other…imo

  10. Marie Jena Marie Jena says:

    My ex husband had an affair and had a baby. Didn’t find out about her until she was 6. Long story short my ex didn’t want anything to do with her so once we split I didn’t have to hide his secret. I told my 3 kids right away and they met each other soon after that. I wish I would have told them the second I found out. Not fair that they missed out on each others lives. I say if you know than approach the mom and see how she feels. At least u tried right.

  11. When I was 28 I found out I had 7…yes 7 half siblings I never knew about and my father was not my biological one. As an adult I was super pissed to know I had a whole family who knew about me and I knew nothing about. Reach out to the parent of this child…please. Children deserve to know who they are ,where they came from and who their relatives are. It’s unfortunate as adults (parents) we make bad choices is partners and in life that affect these innocent kids.

  12. Lisa Tarini Lisa Tarini says:

    I would tell your children that they have another sibling and I would get a hold of the sibling and tell them about your children. You can encourage a relationship between them this way.

  13. Definitely not uncommon. I have two half brothers on my dads side, 2 of us abandoned and one recently taken away… I say talk to the parents, see if they’re okay with it, and then talk to the older child if they are to see if hes okay with being in your kids lives.

  14. I have a few half siblings, I don’t know if they even know about me. But if they ever messaged me I definitely would want to meet them

  15. I think it is important for them to know because they will eventually find out on their own! I’ve been in this situation before, now I know who my sisters are.

  16. Maks Bee Maks Bee says:

    This isn’t as uncommon as one would think. I’ve met a lot of people in this situation, one of my cousins has many siblings out there on her fathers side and it turned out that one of them was an aquaintence of mine/friend of my boyfriends and we didn’t even know for awhile.
    It’s entirely up to you on how to approach the situation but if I was in this position I would approach the parents and explain, if they’re logical people, they will probably understand your feelings etc.

  17. Angie Breton Angie Breton says:

    Definitely approach the parent. They should know each other.
    I have a half brother who doesn’t know I exist and I struggle with it.

  18. Connor Green Connor Green says:

    That’s the way life goes now. Welcome to the 21 century when you have to ask the girl if she might be your sister before you take her home.

  19. My ex husband had a child out in this world that had been adopted. I was always honest to my boys about them having a brother from around 7/8 yrs old of their adopted brother. Be honest with them early enough. They can choose later on to locate him or not

  20. I have a half sister out there. I found out about her in my early 30s. She would be in her 50s now. I would love to meet her just to see who she looks like. It may never happen. 🙁

  21. How old are they…..?…over 5…tell them

  22. Tracy Baker Tracy Baker says:

    Well you should let your children know they have another sibling. Why keep it a secret? Be open and honest with them. And if at some point your children wish to make contact, then give them whatever information you have. And also would be kinda traumatic if your child brought there new bf or gf home only to find out they are siblings. It does happen.

  23. Kris Parnell Kris Parnell says:

    I’m aware a half sibling (if not more than one) exists, no interest in meeting her.

    That being said every situation is different, so message the other parents and go from there. In the end though it should be the kids decision and not forced on them

  24. I would love to get to know my half brother but haven’t seen him in 15ish years he was 3 at the time? Have tried contacting his mother to no avail , don’t deprive your child of their siblings or the opportunity anyways

  25. Marc Kendall Marc Kendall says:

    I wouldn’t wait.
    Seems like the kind of situation where you’ll want to say something but something will keep coming up and you’ll put it off and put it off.
    Waiting doesn’t seem to serve a purpose. Talk with the other parents and set the ball in their court. Then you’ll at least have the peace of mind to say you tried.

  26. Dean Farinha Dean Farinha says:

    Everyone in Sudbury has a half sibling.

  27. I found out I have a sister a few years younger then I am same dad different moms she was adopted. That’s all I know I dont know her name or what she looks like .

  28. Just be straight up and honest. I dont know my biological father, but I grew up with all the information. Have the informed discussion at an age where they’re older enough to understand, but don’t withhold the information.

  29. Jona Taylor Jona Taylor says:

    I would message the parents and ask what they want to do, this isn’t just your decision. It’s also up to them

  30. Renee Di Renee Di says:

    My kids have half siblings.

    My older son’s sister was in his life until a few months ago when she needed to start seeing their dad again for her own reasons, and sperm donor has stated he Hope’s our son dies and is a piece of shit. Hopefully those two can have a relationship again when my son hits 18 or when shes allowed to make her own choices when she is 18. Right now shes making her pos father happy by not seeing her brother and I respect it.

    My younger son has 2 half siblings by his father. Father has custody of the 2 kids and refuses to be a parent to our son. I will not be telling my son about these siblings until he is 18. It’s likely better for him since his father wants zero involvement. If he meets a cousin or sibling and there is reason to tell him, I will, but to be honest, I’m hoping it doesnt happen.

  31. My kids have siblings in Sudbury, my husband has twins from a previous relationship and the mother refuses to let them know they have 2 sisters or let them see them at all, she even tried to get my husband to sign over his rights bc she was so upset about our girls, we’re now fighting in court…honestly it’s not my business as the relationship was before me BUT my girls have a half brother and sister and they should all know each other, it hurts my heart that they have siblings they don’t know…if you have a chance without hurting anyone I would talk to the parents see how it goes…and then you can make a decision on what the best next step would be

  32. I think its wonderful that u are trying to ensure they know about one another.
    I think you should approach the mother now. If she wants her child to know now she can tell and if not id wait until said child is 18 and tell them urself ( but i wouldnt mention previously trying to tell the mom)

  33. There is no reason to keep this from the kids. It’s not like he abandoned your kids and chose to raise the other. They won’t feel jealous or hurt for it but they will grow up knowing they have more family and that is very important to a child.

  34. I’d speak to the parents…

  35. lillian lovely says:

    i would wait until your children are grown up and tell them then let them decide if they want to get in touch with their sibling. it is too much for children to deal with i know from experience

  36. Delmo Gotti Delmo Gotti says:

    I’d want to meet siblings if I had them just because and also For health reasons to see what ailments they have and if the other ones have similarities to help medically

  37. If the older child is almost and adult I’d reach out to them directly to let them know about the younger half siblings. This person could wind up playing a very important role for your children! We met my husbands oldest brother just 3 years ago and it was awesome for all involved! Best of luck!

  38. I would approach the other parent first and if that went badly I would wait until the older child reaches 18 and allow them to make the choice for themselves. I would want to know if I had siblings out there I did not know about.

  39. Betty Dupuis Betty Dupuis says:

    I was in the same situation. my father had a child in NS. and my my brother..with my mom…then they had me…he never told my grandparents or my other sibling about me..when I found out about my sister I made contact with her..and it has turned out great..however with my grandmother it didn’t… she refuses to acknowledge me at all..even though I look just like my dad…and my brother..but because I don’t look like my 1/2 sister she thinks I am not his…so my advice to you is to tell the people in your life now before it is to late and they hate you because you kept this secret to long..

  40. JC Wilson JC Wilson says:

    I would want to know if I have any other siblings personally.

  41. Anna Stanley Anna Stanley says:

    Well I don’t think this situation is to uncommon.

    Personally I only met my half siblings at 15 ish. But I was dating my half brothers best friend. My brother and I kinda started putting pieces together then finally one night he went home and my dad told him everything.

    We looked to much alike to not be family.

    I say approach the other mom

  42. My daughter and her sister met by accident in grade 8.

  43. Brock says:

    I would suggest to approach the mother of the other child and have a discussion with her.

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