Long but it needs to be said

My ex was very jealous and angry. At one point I was beaten if I spoke my truth or looked at him the wrong way. I decided we couldn’t show this type of negativity to our child, so I ended it before the child came into the world. My ex always had a double life. He balanced his wholsome high school friends with some not so savory characters and kept them all very close to him.  I remember he’d allow his career theiving friends even hang at his place of business. There were rippers, recreational drug users, the whole gammet, in and out of his work place all the time, and not even for the services he provided. Near the end I just wasn’t enjoying things.

Anyways 6 years later I get my first boyfriend and he hated it.  Iam a believer that happiness, love and kindness is the only way of life a child should ever see, so I was very picky and obviously cautious. We dated for awhile before he met my child and he was a great man.  we never were indecent or argued, and we always gave my child all the attention while we spent time together. He was exemplary with my child. I never had my child even babysat let alone left alone with my bf.  it’s just not something I’m prepared to do ever.  Anyway becasue my ex has had a difficult time meeting “the one” he projects that onto me.  I was young when my parents split and and mother wasn’t the greatest at discernment, let’s just say.  She’d have several boyfriends in a row, but that’s not even what bugged us.  What bugged was how we were ignored, and how they went on while drinking, and doing dumb things. I believe household should be loving, so a kiss and hug between adults is healthy, but my mom went above and beyond when her boyfriends would grab her butt infront of us etc. I vowed to never make my child feel that type of way and I haven’t.

My point is it isn’t that parents shouldn’t date after a break up or allow their new beau to meet their kids.  It’s all about how good is the new one, how much class and integrity both the mom and new guy have, and how good do they treat the children. Never leave the child alone with anyone let alone a new man. Never be crude, swearing or make out in front of the children. Make sure everyone is attentive, caring, loving and giving to your child, and that it doesn’t change post new guy coming into the situation. Kids are very resilient, especially if you have boys and a new man comes in or girls and a new woman comes in. I never allowed the new guy to take the the place of his dad. But what’s wrong with making a new solid friend / step dad or mom who can turn into a best friend.   Make sure he’s good with kids and you’d be surprised how quick they hit it off and play sports wih you and share good times and good laughs.  It’s all about being a good person and never ever neglectful .  The rest will always fall into place. Life can have many blessings or many hard lessons. Learn from them. Don’t repeat bad behavior and always reward the good stuff.



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