I never thought I would be this way.

I never thought I would become a crack addict. But I did. I’ve struggled with substance abuse issues for over ten years. I really really loved cocaine throughout all of it. And benzos, those had their hold on me as well. Nothing however has held its grip so tightly as crack. I always told myself I would never touch it, its gross, waste of money.

Now it’s one of my favourite things. I didnt mean for it to become a part of my life. I went through a hellish bit before touching it. I lost my apartment, the first person I felt a connection to in a while, lost family. I was at my breaking point, I was doing lines while a friend was smoking. I had never had the urge before.

But, I picked it up, and that was it. One hit. And I found myself wanting more. At first I took time between uses. Now at not even two months in… it’s a daily habit. I have lost friends over this. Spent the last of my money on it. I would never offer someone their first hit because I couldnt live with myself.



1 Response

  1. Anonymous says:

    You`re really in the midst of losing it all. One of the last pieces that makes you you. Kindness or goodness. Remember what you wrote. I never thought… But you did. And you will, chum or chummette. You have a choice here. Before the facts. But you seem to keep waiting till after the facts. Then you scratch your head and say: How`d I get here. If you can write everything you wrote, the way you wrote it, you can kick this addiction right in the teeth. Bounce it on its ass. In the midst of an addiction, I would imagine the person would feel as though it`s the best high ever. It`ll never be. Because your tolerance level goes up and up, while your body will break down and down. The brain chemistry just loses its natural balance. Life`s not over when there are setbacks. It`s over when you lie down with them and don`t get back up. It`s over when life doesn`t seem worth getting help. When`s it gonna stop? When you take a hit of something laced to the 9`s. Sudbury and Toronto sickos will gladly hang it under your nose. You better get a grip. You`re intelligent. You`re articulate. You have potential just like anyone else. But you`re real close to losing it 100%. Friends don`t sit there and smoke crack, offer you a ball. Friends don`t do crack. Friends aren`t friends with people who do. Friends don`t sell. You can walk into somewhere? You can walk out. Only person keeping the door closed or opening it, is you. When you lose your family, the pieces don`t fit together anymore. That`s a low that a high could never match. Get rid of the addiction, fix your spirit and everything else will fall into place. Get up, man. You`ve lost enough.

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