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How do I back out of my wedding?

My wedding is literally weeks away and I am seriously having second thoughts. I haven’t told my fiance or my parents or siblings or even my friends.I haven’t told anyone yet.

I thought I was marrying my soulmate but now that the date is getting closer I am feeling suffocated and having terrible night terrors. I think I may very well be making a mistake. I am engaged to my highschool sweetheart and we moved in before we even finished our postsecondary studies.

I thought this was all I had ever dreamed of doing, that I would be living the dream, but now I am thinking I haven’t had a chance to experience dating other people to make sure this is my true love and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I am not sure we want the same things in the future and I don’t either of us has really experienced enough of life to make such a huge decision that is supposed to last for the rest of our life. I would let so many people down and we would have wasted so much money if I don’t go through with the wedding.

I love my fiance but I am afraid that if I say what I am thinking I would lose this person for the rest of my life also. I don’t know if we could just continue to live together and maybe marry at a later date. I think it would maybe just end our relationship and I am afraid to take that gamble. I could never confide in a therapist. I write things down and that sometimes helps me think things through, but I think I could use some advice.

Do I just go through with the wedding because we have come so far and I thought this was the only thing I ever wanted? Do I back out of it and let everyone down?

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83 Responses

  1. The fact that you mention not being very experienced means to me you are wondering about how it is with someone else, seems he has been your one love. Maybe he is the one or maybe you think he is because your expectations are low. maybe try someone else out. Try shacking up for a year first that’s when you finally get to meet the person you are marrying, the little habits, the fights over money or petty things then you can make a decision. That’s why they used to have 4 year engagements lol Either way communication is key

  2. It’s just a price of paper. It’s soo much easier and simpler to date instead of marry

  3. I am not Groot says:

    Buy a squirrel. Buy some fabric. Make a dress for the squirrel. Introduce the squirrel to the one you have doubts about marrying. Eat the squirrel. He or she will leave the country. I am a genious

  4. Don’t do it you will regret it the rest of your life

  5. Cindy Dixon says:

    I did the same thing! I stopped my wedding 2 months before. This was last year as I didn’t feel right about it. And as of right now I called it quits with our relationship. Hes just not my guy! You might have put in a lot of money, time and effort, but think of the future with a (divorce) and what comes with it?
    The saying goes, if in doubt, DON’T!

  6. Sandy Paulin says:

    Doesn’t sound like you been with the right people…

  7. Amy Cole says:

    RuuuuuuuuuuuN…..just kidding, Good Luck!

  8. Talk to him, explain your fears. He may understand and decide you both should postpone. If you can’t talk to him now, you may be miserable later.

  9. go with your gut feeling listen with your heart life is to short think about it don,t worry about what people will think its your decision make the right one ,good luck ,

  10. Oksana Holly says:

    If you’re feeling this way now, you’ll feel this way later. It won’t escape you. It’ll get more and more intense and by the time you’re ready to make a move, you’ll be more invested and you’ll risk losing more. Wait. I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re under 25… wait another couple years before you make a move. You can’t hurry love. 😉

  11. Men don’t communicate. They talk at you and play games. They are selfish.

  12. Tell them how u feel. If the relationships ends because of it then u know for sure the love wasnt strong enough to hold a marriage in the 1st place. I love my husband to death & we are going thru hardships right now & I really believe if we would have just stayed together with out marriage, we wouldn’t have as many problems. Sounds stupid but I believe getting married actually put a damper on us. Because of that feelingn of entrapment you feel right now. & neither of us had that feeling before marriage ( I don’t think), it was the best day of our lives & we were happy & crazy in love. ^ how I just said I don’t think, maybe he was feeling that & never said it, which could be part of the reason for our problems. So do yourself & your loved one a favor & put it off til you are both confident & can talk about your feelings without the worry of it ending because you said something

  13. Women don’t communicate . They give ultimatums and play games. They are selfish .

  14. Don’t go to strangers for advice on the most important decision in your life, communicate with your family and do him a favour and communicate with him….

  15. Talk to the fiance. It’s called cold feet syndrome. Everyone experiences it to a degree. It means you are human.

  16. Dave Lacasse says:

    The grass is not greener on the other side…..

  17. Marc Pilon says:

    PLEASE talk to your parents

  18. Kyla Brown says:

    Cold feet is normal, almost all the brides I have worked with have had some sort of hesitation, sometimes it’s constant fighting for a month before. Take a step back, assess the situation… NO ONE is going to be let down if you decide this isn’t what you want for your future. These people only want the best for you no matter what you pick!

  19. Life too short to be with just one person lol

  20. Dude seriously! If ur posting on fb before talking to your fiancé… you already have a problem!
    Hope they run

  21. can’t be truthful with her now how can you survive 50 or more yrs,communication is very important but trust is no. 1.

  22. Sandy Paulin says:

    And if you aren’t able to do that, then I agree with JJ Brunette…. RUN!!!

  23. Angie Breton says:

    I knew I was making a mistake marrying my husband but I didn’t want my mom to lose the money she fronted for us to pay back so I went through with it. 4 years later we separated and I told my mom the reason I went through with the marriage. To my surprise she said she would have been happy to take the loss. Not one person in my family liked him for me.

  24. Matt McKay says:

    This is exactly why people have horrible trust issues and refuse to be with anyone anymore. Social media has become the backbone of almost all relationships and when any sign of needing repairs occur people would rather talk/confide in complete strangers than confront their partner like a decent human being. Good luck to you, but you may want to actually, I don’t know, talk to your fiancè?

  25. Could be the wedding jitters…talk to your fiance.. might have the same feelings. Good luck

  26. If this is the guy you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life… you should be able to talk to him.. about this or about anything at all . Step 1 – talk!

  27. having cold feet is normal. it’s a big decision that can easily last your whole life. that being said you are overreacting and being a picky perfectionist now after so long believing you can live your life with her just seems like you are looking for excuses for your anxiety.

    Time to man up man.

  28. Delmo Gotti says:

    Just back out trust me if you go through it it will have huge consequences dont worry about what you lose before the wedding come sit with me ill tell you everything i lost when i should have backed out

  29. I like being married. I’ve been married for almost 20 years now. I’ve had doubts, second thoughts…..when I imagined my life without him, I missed him.
    Start by talking to your fiancé about your fears. See how that goes, keeping in mind that Love is not easy to come by.

  30. Marty Neas says:

    So basically you met a nice guy and want to sleep with him. Get your priorities straight. Are you going to throw everything away because you want to raise your count? Give me a break. This is normal . Your fine he’s fine your both fine. Just dont over think it

  31. Take a couple of hours to yourself away from social media, friends, family , etc. Grab a coffee or whatever and just take time to think. Most of the time we have these feelings because of cold feet and other times it’s just a warning signal not to go through with it but you are the one that needs to figure that out. No one can help you with this. Your heart will lead you in the direction you need to go to. Trust in yourself. Also consider what you have been through throughout your relationships. How did you both handle the hard times both individually and as a couple. I will tell you that if he is there beside you to pick you up and hold your hand during the hard times and you are able to do the same thing for him then what you have is true. Hope this helps.

  32. The dating game is scaaaary out there.. you are not missing out on much in that sense. S.c.a.r.y.

  33. Chris Land says:

    It’s like buying pants. If you don’t love them in the store, you won’t wear them when you get home.

  34. Don’t just go through with it to make everybody else happy. Been there, done that. Wrong choice. Period.
    I like the premarital counselling idea. Could be cold feet, could be the wrong person. That night will help you sort it out.

  35. Chris Aube says:

    Honesty Will set you free …..be open and honest and if you are ment to be together he will understand your feelings and support you ! Good luck

  36. Have you tried premarital counseling? It could be as simple as cold feet or maybe you are on two different paths. You won’t know until you sit down and work this out. An outsider can really help mediate. Good luck with whatever happens.

    • Lee Baxter says:

      Premarital counseling to get along with your soul-mate seems an odd starting point for marital bliss. At least one of the terms in the previous sentence has to be false.

    • My husband and I had pre-marriage counselling and it was the best thing we could have done. We have been married for going on 8 years and we hardly ever argue about anything. It really taught us how to communicate effectively with one another and how to work through things. It works if you let it.

    • Lee premarital counseling brings discussions you may not have thought of until faced with certain difficulties and scenarios. It helps you to see there is more to marriage than ‘I do’ and a party. If you can’t handle the topics before marrying, you will never last the actual marriage.

    • Wish I did that

  37. Ashley Ann says:

    Talk to him, communication is key. He needs to be aware of how you’re feeling good or bad. He should respect your feelings

  38. JJ Brunette says:

    Never mine talking about it with your partner. Just don’t get married. Seriously, ask just about every married guy will tell you no!. Most will yell: run! Never mind me save yourself! Go you fool!!

    Marriage is great sure, but it also has its downfalls. It could cost you everything you have. Well, at least half ha

    In today’s world we don’t even need marriage. It’s a scam anyhow.

    When’s the last time anyone checked your marriage certificate or not. Nobody cares anymore.

    Nobody wears the rings anymore or has a big wedding either.

    You got more options and choices if you are not married. Why self prison yourself?

    That’s like self-castration. Why? Ow. Now there’s a souvenir she can keep in her purse, right next to your dignity, money hope and freedom of choice. All things you give up.

    Everyone here will tell you marriage is great is so blissful. They’ll tell you to ignore me too.

    Don’t believe the hype. Marriage is obsolete and a strange messy concept by today’s standards. Just love. It’s easy.

  39. Gather you family and fiancé together and talk it out. Have the past few years been fabulous? It definitely gets more difficult. Live your life honestly and be proud of your decisions. It takes a lot of strength to be true to yourself.

  40. Izzy Silver says:

    Awe you poor person! I am so sorry for what you are going through! I could read your cards if you would like Self Peace Innovations

  41. Could always get a divorce it’s not true love you only love him. True love is when you have a baby you’ll understand the meaning of true love

    • Wait, so if you don’t have kids you don’t know what true love is?

    • I think this person is mixing up unconditional love with true love. You can’t compare the love you have for your own children with the love you have for a life partner.. Not the same kind of love. It’s like comparing oranges and apples… They are both fruit, the way you would love both people. But they are different fruits, the way the love you have for both will differ. That’s my opinion at least.

  42. Tell him how u feel ..if u aren’t ready its not fair for the both of u .maybe hold off a few more years by than u will know exactly what u want …if he breaks up with u and doesn’t understand than it wasn’t meant to be …

  43. Renee Di says:

    A divorce can cost upwards of $100,000 if it gets messy. Keep that in mind.

  44. Be true to your feelings; talk to him…he may feel the same way.

  45. No one can tell you what to do as we don’t have a full picture and only you know how you feel. I do advice you to speak with your fiancé about this. Communication is key.

  46. Yes, sit and talk with him about it, an open mind and no lies or secrets is the best communication for a true committed relationship. If you cannot speak to each other openly, than marriage is not your best option!

  47. Karl Puiras says:

    Polygamy is an option 😉 lol

  48. LOL why so you need the government involved anyway? Marriage is a materialistic scam.

  49. Amy Winn says:

    Follow your instincts. He may feel the same. Good luck…
    p.s..again follow ur instincts the money wasted would equal divorce in the future 🙂

  50. Josh Dam says:

    I did the same thing. Married my high school sweetheart. Together for 13 years and divorced after 1.5 years of marriage. Make sure you are both ready. If you are not it’s very expensive for both of you.

  51. If you’re having doubts to the point you’re having night terrors, you need to sit down and be honest with everyone. I think talking to a therapist would be a good idea – and don’t give me that line about not being able to confide in one. You just aired out your laundry for all to read and are willing to take the advice of complete strangers, I think you can manage to talk to a therapist.

  52. Mike Giroux says:

    Bail now!! As it will be cheaper then your divorce!

  53. Talk to him…. what if he feels the same way?

  54. Be true to your feelings!!!!!! If your having second thoughts then DONT go through with it. TALK to someone family friends don’t keep this inside it’s probably tearing you apart. Best of luck

  55. You have one life don’t waste it follow your heart you already know the answer if you have to ask good luck

  56. If you’re having these feelings then I don’t think you’re ready to get married. You should never be second guessing your marriage. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. But I also did the dating thing before I decided that my fiance is the one I want to be with

  57. Talk to your family, friends, even your fiance. Be honest with yourself and everyone involved.

  58. My two cents, if you find dating/engagement hard, it’s a tenth of the work to keep a marriage going, walk away

  59. When in doubt, get the fuck out.

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