Does it get better?

Everyday I want to die. I’m not living for myself I’m living for my kids. Sometimes I think I have support, but I really don’t. My partner is an addict. I don’t get along with my dad he’s a dick. My mom doesn’t have my back, she justifies most of his behaviour towards me. I have one friend, but she has her own life. We all want that love and comfort from our significant other but if they’re not doing well, then you’re pretty much on your own. That’s really how I feel, alone.

Everyday I have to keep it together for the kids. I don’t find joy in literally anything that I used to love. I used to sing my heart out but lost interest because I wasn’t “popular enough” and nobody supported anything I liked to do and I was always too shy to share my talent with the world and would just delete my video and give up.

I want to be numb for a while but that’s never the solution. I missed my mark to fit in. I just want to be saved. I want some kind of spiritual awakening or SOMETHING to get me out of my rut. I don’t want to live like this.



7 Responses

  1. Brian says:

    Ask your doctor about welbutrin(zyban) (bupropion). It changed my life. I tried other depression pills (ssri’s) and they didn’t work well for me. It sounds like you are depressed by the way you dwell on negative things. I know single moms who struggle with money, work full time and take care of their kids and they sre happier than a pig in shit!

  2. Bad advice following: says:

    If your partner is an addict switch out their coke bag with some drano and next time they are shooting up stab them in the heart with a needle. Then you could go to jail and get all the mental health help you need as well as make some friends that you could fit in with. Win/win.

  3. Christine Brosseau says:

    I dealt with a very similar situation. You are likely and empath and you are dealing with a bunch of narcissist. I’m not an expert but through trauma work I have come to see that that the thoughts going through your head are their words. You need to remember you would never say such things to anyone. Podcasts. Lisa A Romano and Tracy Malone. I too have been in the bottomless pit feeling that I shouldn’t be alive. It took for me to get gravely ill and nearly die to realize no one was there for me. I have since moved away from all these toxic people and I’ve gone no contact. Only then I could work on me. Please stay away from drugs and alcohol. Cannabis in moderation because it can help. Look into CPTSD from emotional abuse. Look up terms like gaslighting. This will help identify if a person is toxic early into the relationship. Also look into transgenerational trauma. Trauma is hard to deal with and it hurts to see the games played while you were being manipulated. However you can stop the cycle now. You are worth it. I hear you from the bottom of my heart because I was there in 2018. I had to make decisions to either make a life for me or die trying to please them.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Hey! 🙂 I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and YES IT CAN GET BETTER! First I would reach out to the doctors and talk to them about some options: meds, therapy etc. Next, I would maybe think about separating myself from your toxic partner. Its very hard to get better when your surrounded with negative energy. On a more positive note: you are trying everyday with your kids and that does show motivation! ♡ you can do this! One day at a time! ♡

  5. Anonymous says:

    Smoke some weed. My parents did it their whole lives and I turned out 1/8th decent. But yeah I feel where you are coming from and maybe it wouldnt hurt to make yourself a doctors appointment and speak to them, if anything just to change up the routine for a day.

    • Anonymous says:

      Its not a great idea to promote weed to someone who is struggling with depression and a partner who is an addict. Self medicating is not a good way to help depression. You need to see a professional to get medical advice; not just decide to smoke weed.

      • Anonymous says:

        Weed is better than the alternative which sounds like this person is contemplating. If you read my whole comment you will see I also recommended medical professional so please put your reading glasses on grandpa before you come and comment.

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